I am sick again and I am angry about it. I had a high fever last night and simple things like going up the stairs make my heart pound and following any activity I am extremely tired. This is very problematic since I have so much work to accomplish that I do not have time for this. I am so angry that my body is weak when I need it to be strong. Oh your body needs a break, no my soul does my body is just a vessel for all my chaos. So I hope it does not get worse, because last time I pushed I was very sick. Now I have to take my groggy headed self and paint with tired arms and a heavy heart. I hate this painting, throw it out entirely I think. Let the snow fall on it and the canvas rot, but I have to have it in my show. I feel no loyalty to it, it was impulsive from the start and there is no magic in it. So now I have to save the damned thing, when otherwise I would leave it behind. We will be weak together this crappy painting and I; and maybe I will understand it in this mood of chaos and despair. Arg the timing of this illness makes me crazy.