Sunday, August 31, 2014

The owls came to us and I did not know how much they were going to rip me out of my life. Their gold eyes held the colors of the sunset, the colors thrown on you in that truck.  The colors reflected in the blue of your eyes as you looked at me.  We were both ready to change and as I embraced you, I knew I could not return to the way things were ever again.  Now I have left you and the memory of those cold days we found each other in the winter landscape.  I wonder what will happen when the snow comes again?  Will the owls return to make me face myself yet again and die the death they promise?  Or will the fields be empty of them?  I know I will look for them as I will look for you and your white truck.  I will scan the horizon for the falling sun and remember the taste of your mouth.  I will always mourn that life could not make us a pair the way I wanted to be.  Goodbye is the tragedy of time. In a world that marches ever forward I can't manage to stop the pace, I can't manage to go back to that first kiss.  The one that opened me like a door to all the worlds I was missing.  So today is empty of you and tomorrow will be as well.  You may never understand why I had to take care of my own business first, because I didn't then.  I had to close all the doors before I could truly let you in.  I needed to know I was doing this for myself and not for you.  I could never expect you to understand why or wait for me. You have waited long enough, as I have.   Lifetimes, centuries, years, minutes, hours.  We had it once while those gold eyes watched us.  We had something people search for their entire lives and never find.  Maybe there will be owls come winter and they will greet me in the empty fields.  Maybe I will see your white truck sitting on the side of the road watching them too and remembering us.