Saturday, April 24, 2010

You are wrong to think I do not miss you.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Still, citizen sparrow, this vulture which you call
Unnatural, let him lumber again to air
Over the rotten office, let him bear
The carrion ballast up, and at the tall

Tip of the sky lie cruising. Then you'll see
That no more beautiful bird is in heaven's height
No wider more placid wings, no watchfuller flight;
He shoulders nature there, the frightfully free,

-From Still, Citizen Sparrow by Richard Wilbur

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Watching a couple of crows
playing around in the woods, swooping
in low after each other, I wonder
if they ever slam into the trees.

...but rarely does a crow
hit a tree, though other, clumsier birds
bang into them all the time, and we say
these birds have not adapted well

to the forest environment.
Frequently stunned, they become
easy prey for the wily fox,
who's learned how to listen

for that snapping of branches
and collapsing of wings,
who knows where to go
and what to do when he gets there.

From The Questions Poems Ask by Lawrence Raab

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Vulture time

The person with no integrity, who maliciously undermined me and did whatever possible to make me look bad-got the job. The job that I worked very hard for, gave all my heart to in order to do the best job possible for my students. I want to scream and call her bad names, I want to call her and tell her off. I want to tell them all how insane it is that this person, who wouldn't show up, did no work and said some of the nastiest things to me now happily walks the halls where I should be. I am angry about it but have to be nice and therefore have no real venue in which to vent my complete and utter frustration. Now I have no real chances of getting that dream job I wanted, other than clawing my way up the ladder. Guess what? F-that, I am done and give up. I will stay where I am and enjoy what I have instead of trying to turn into a person like that. They can keep her and her ugliness, good luck with that. Not to mention now they are all avoiding me. I am sure she spread lies about me and they believed her. F-ing idiots, you trusted her? Really? After all this time? Are you kidding me? Seriously that makes me really rather sad and discouraged. Heartbreaking it was a dream I had.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Yes I miss him, sure I do. I would not have felt so much to be able to turn it off and walk so easily away. It was all wrapped up in my work and growth, so much more. How could you think I would be the callous one and just walk away. Of course I had to protect myself and really there is an innocence to it, you are my friend. I am surrounded by hours of work but none of it is reaching me today, none of it. It does not tell that story, the one you so abruptly ended with non-response after all those years. I was good and so were you. I am insulted that you exited so quickly and never responded. What did I do to deserve that cruelty? I am not dead, I am building a life over here, why should I not have what you have? A woman painter, everyone thinks that will end when you try to build a life, but painting is that life. Mostly men say that,but I am sick of it really. Sick of having that fear, no it is not over or ending. It continues and grows, changes away from you. He looked at me with such distain this a-hole of a guy I work with, like now he cannot posess because I am full and fertile and wonderful. I am happier without the longing because it is more sensible and I am tired of it. Yet I do miss him terribly and would love to spend the time catching up, laughing with him again and being there to admire him as I do. I rather enjoyed making him happy as he deserves and loving him as if he were a part of my own family. I miss that, sometimes rather terribly.