Last night I attended this exhibit, filled with people I mostly do not know and if I do know them not well enough to have any conversation of merit. So I circulated looking at the work and pretending to be more interested in it then I really was.

I wound up speaking to someone I rather loathe, he is a pompous arrogant ass. It was an exercise in self-control to smile and ask demure flattering questions. He prattled on about himself arms crossed over his large frame. He smiled down through his small glasses that covered his heavy brow. Oh well this and this and this... on and on as if I cared so much to listen.

I do poorly in crowds, self-conscious and wanting more from words then trying to invent some common ground. Give me meaning instead, but I shy away realizing as I hugged my friend that she has somehow been a snake to me. I could feel it, somehow she has done damage and again another quiet bite leaves a numbness.

I left as soon as I could filled with that familiar heavy sadness that so often catches me lately. How can I possibly shine so bright? I hate my own weakness and I cannot solve it by hiding in my work.