I know I know I know and I know... I think after all this time I get it. What a splendid thing to get and enough in and of itself without possession. Oh sure it longs for that still, when will I not crave it? I cannot say, but the craving has molded me into something new and lead me through all of this dying to feeling and life. I would not trade a moment of it, irregardless of what it could destroy in my life. Tonight I cannot so much feel my work, as I am starting to look ahead already into another future. It is so hard to describe them, they are odd to me now. I will have to go sit before them this weekend and write a way in for some. They are so complicated and difficult with a million little impulses that I have to make a map of so that the viewer can follow the path in. I know, today it was so clear to me and I was proud of it, it was so obvious for a moment. A relief to see that I am not so crazy after all.