falling apart
falling away
falling in love again and again with him
falling over my words
falling over a brown cord. jacket
falling over my own stupidity
falling over my feet trying to run
falling in time to my heartbeat
falling over an old line
falling in love with you
again and again
falling and then more heartbreak
falling into reality
falling apart
falling
the architecture of falling
your lip
you
I fell for you
I fell for it
fall fell falling
felt
everything
I am trying to believe in you
but you are not seeing it
falling blindly
falling into the abyss
needing to learn to fly
crash and burn

Blue-headed vireo

There is no one to dance with here, my favs seem to be quiet or leaving and I find that I am getting boring on this myself. Perhaps it is time for me to sign off? I am never good at endings. I am just so busy every night I cannot even breathe, so mostly I am tired. On the nights I am free the one a week lately, I want to paint. The other nights I work or swim to stay in shape and try to keep my head above the water. Mostly I want to paint, but tonight it is clunky. I am not really into the birds tonight and find I am laboring over what should not be labored over. If I had more time I would push past that feeling and keep working, but now it is already time to get ready for an early start to work. I have to start early tomorrow and stay late... then swim then get ready for my long day on Tues. No time to even dream. Do you think this stills my longing? No, oh no it makes me sad that once again time is passing and once again I will not see him much, when I want to see him often. I hate that stupid time, I wish I could just forget it all, but I cannot. I have yet to find a cure for him. Ah well, better to dream big and love crazy and live. I shouldn't complain he is wonderful over there, perfect. I will keep walking up the mountain and hope our paths cross yet again. I believe they might. I will sing you to me.

behind bars

It was good that I had a quiet day because the week went to proverbial hell. Crap then crap and then hey just when you thought you could get through ok, major crap. I am beaten, lacking self-esteem and just plain worn out. Some people have alot of sad things happening... how I wish I could just sit at your feet for a while and listen to you tell me the stories of your life. To hear the soft lilt of his voice and the warmth of his words would be wonderful... exile... foreigner... dancer... singer... storyteller...translator...painter... writer... do we have the energy for one more solid go around before we exit this floor? I do, as ever I do.

Hi my lovelies, work was not so bad today. Tonight I was able to paint for a bit and do not have a tremendous amount on my plate. Just quiet...a quiet little day.

waiting

Dad what are the waters of heaven like?
I tried to paint you to bring you back
for a moment to remember
mom cried when she saw you
"its him its him!"
but it is only paint and time
everyday we lose you
over and over
you are our unanswered prayer
the silence of the moments
when I am once again emptied by loss
I wish I could paint you real
paint you a river to ride home upon


-By the Corbyhawk- 3 months today I lost my best friend... :-(

stay positive

When I see you
my eyes grow black
like a crow's wing
and darken sky blue
I stare too closely
the silky wet of your lips
edged with wisps
I want to brush against
Spring is here
the maddness of wanting
I feel the heat everywhere
I wait in hope
preen before me
dance and caw
let me watch you
glorious spring
the best seat in the house
a dream worth dreaming
a desire that floods me with life again

-By the Corbyhawk herself

do you think this yellow makes my feet look big?

I am going to concentrate on staying positive and hopeful. Today was an excellent, wonderful, dreamy day.

Double masculine

sparkle orchid

Some idiot is shooting California Condors at Big Sur! Read about the stupidity of humanity here.

Life is a nightmare lately, so many things just creeping up on me. I do not ever have the luxury of ignoring them, out they come these beasts. No break for you and yes I am angry about it. You try to be kind and people bite off your hands. Ok, then let's dance because my anger motivates me to do my very best and I will do what I need to do in this life. I will work harder then you and play smarter and take what is due me. This woman who pretends to be my friend will not get in the way of my dreams. Step out of my light. I have battled worse demons and she thinks she will take away a job I have always dreamed of. NO WAY.

no owl today

Blow wind to where my loved one is,
Touch him and come and touch me soon,
I'll feel his gentle touch through you,
And meet his beauty in the moon.

-Ramayana

I have been touch and go with posting but I am trying to heal. I want to be more healthy in spirit and deserving of what I seek from the world. So back to work, enough of the feel sorry for the self thing, and life hits hard sometimes but one must keep dancing. This also means I am taking better care of myself, my heart and my mind. I am trying to break negative patterns and move forward into a more productive place. I am seeing things and still dreaming. I will not let go of what I believe in and I know I will find what I need when I need it. I have not lost my faith in the world.

Corby Hawk

To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.

Mary Oliver

I am in lots of pain tonight my friends, I just wish it would stop it is crippling me and I wish so much for just a bit of joy.

I went into a mine once, deep into the dark cool earth. It smelled musty and seemed suffocating as I went deeper and deeper down into the dark. I felt lost and wondered what I was doing there, but then the guide shined a light along the cool stone walls. Suddenly the walls glowed with the sparkle of the hidden gold shimmered before me like magic. Even in the darkest place there is still magic, a hidden vein of gold.

Oh and Colonel Brandon, I miss your Nature Diary blog :-(

I have decided that I am going to worry less and do what I want for the next two weeks, so there. It is my time and I am putting what I want on this blog without the usual self-censorship. It is part of the just say no campaign, no to negative, no to sorrow, no to not living, no to crap, no to taking care of other people's crap. I rock, so there.

April fools on the Carolina Parakeet folks, sadly...

Did it get yah? Thanks to Bird Chick blog for finding this authentic looking press release.
It is a great blog check it out on my side bar, I am a fan.

A Carolina Parakeet has been found!!!