Reverse limbo

The blue jay calls
keep it keep it
I rub the stone beneath my fingers
the coolness transfers
suddenly summer is gone
I see the still water
it must move somewhere
as it goes and stays
but never sits
one for the love I cannot give
one for the love I cannot forget
the rings of each reflect the sky

-by the Corbyhawk

All day long my mind circles
like a dizzy bee
Drunk on the middle line of light
Cast one pebble for who I crave
One for who I cannot seem to want
Honey powder dusting stones
leaving traces
it falls but does not sink
like the bee floating backwards
its wings swimming
legs pumping to grasp
clinging to the fingertip offered
then mercilessly stings
to forget the memory of flowers.

-By the Corbyhawk herself

washed datura white

A Moment with Apples

It is rain again.
It is rain becoming
a mirror along
black stretches of road
winding through a country
that explodes
with the red of apples
at every turn.
It is rain glazing
the apples before they fall,
glazing the red glaze
of apples, which hang there,
silent, almost breathing,
feeling the change of
season move around
the shapes they make
in the unpronounceable air,
as if a pair of hands
moving that way,
almost touching, could
tell us something
we have no other way
of knowing.

-By Ralph Black
-Once I lived next to a giant apple orchard and could smell the sweet ripening apples in the fall. Though today I made apple pie using apples from my tree in the backyard. It is the first year it has given me more then just one. The pie was delicious...

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all the care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

-W.H. Auden

Polar Bears hate Palin also...

Ok, it is safe now for me to officially declare "I hate Sarah Palin". Yep, she sucks people. I am a woman and I don't like her, I am human and I don't like her, really I actually care about the planet and our environmental future so therefore I dislike her. She makes Bush look like a liberal tree hugger (not that I am not a liberal tree hugger myself). Read about it and prepare to gain your own hostile feelings here.

Part of the Crane painting

This is a snippet of my newest painting...

Today was a good day, I got to be an artist for the entire glorious day! The weather was perfect, clear blue sky sunny without a trace of humidity. I spent the day painting walls for my next show and learning spanish swear words from my bilingual friends. I brought a bunch of things to show, since I wasn't sure what exactly would work in the space. So I had a few paintings in my car when I was on my way to pick up some prints I had left at another show. So I go in and as I am about to leave the gallery owner gives me a sheet for a call for work. Well I just happened to have the perfect painting in my car. So I tell her, bring it in and bammo!I am in another show! It will not be up for a while but still, how cool is that? Ah what a day and now I can swear in Spanish (if I could only remember what it was...)

Oh you know who this is for, have a listen here and smile because you are amazing, you yes you, amazing, hands down, no contest.

There was a moment in the laps today where I felt like I could go on endlessly. It was about 20 minutes into them when it all became automatic. I charged down the lane pulling the water as if I were flying. It felt amazing to soar through the pool. I even flipped at the end of each lap, pushing out like a gannet hits the water in a dive. I could only manage two laps of butterfly tonight and they were not quite as graceful. Still it was good. Sleep well my friends, may tomorrow be glorious for you and filled with waking dreams.

How I feel after work...

Love and Thought

Two well-assorted travellers use
The highway, Eros and the Muse.
From the twins is nothing hidden,
To the pair is nought forbidden;
Hand in hand the comrades go
Every nook of Nature through:
Each for other they were born,
Each can other best adorn;
They know one only mortal grief
Past all balsam or relief;
When, by false companions crossed,
The pilgrims have each other lost.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Unwrapped

Listen to a story at www.themoth.org

I think I am done with this painting, until I hang it in a show and think of all the things I still should do to it. Now I am wondering what I should do, it is rainy so no gardening... maybe I will cook up the apples from my tree. Or maybe I will start drawing out my next painting. Perhaps I should daydream, but what about I wonder. What to dream?

In other news I am now down 2 pant sizes thank you to my laps, and a shirt size.

A woman stopped me when I was exiting the art supply store today, "You a student?" she asked.
"Oh, no" I replied. "An artist then" she said," You go girl!"
Yep I am going girl, going to look at this painting and try to make sure it is really near done...

I know change is a bad thing,
it breaks me down into a sorry sad thing,
not some iridescent grateful butterfly.

I resist with defiance,
not the power of a mystic silence.
I will fight the dizzy spiral of goodbye.

And it's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.

Please don't say you don't love me,
never dangle any sword above me
with the kind of change that severs me in two.

Give me amberizing glasses.
Could you slow it down like molasses,
as I salvage my old self away from you.

Oh it's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.

Because I have have seen insane things -
all those grand historic paintings,
morning light on polished swords and burnished pride.

Anxious smiles encased in whalebone,
spines of steel from head to tailbone,
cannons poised to blast the turning of the tide.

It's a sad and a strange thing,
but it's time and I am changing
into something good or bad,
well that's your guess.
I'm my own sovereign nation,
dedicated to a transformation,
marching on with this target on my chest.

Oh yes.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
Oh, It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.

It's alright, it's all right, it's alright.
Oh, It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.

-By Dar Williams From her new amazing album "The Promised Land"
Which is really great for painting to.

What is getting older but realizing the scope of time as it passes. The intensity of trying to hold on tight to what you value above measure yet knowing the soft melancholy of letting it go. I thought about this today as I swam my laps. If I had a magic fairy dust maybe I would pour it over me to make me beautiful and erase all those little signs of wear. Or perhaps I should make it more useful, give it someone in need of better health or use it to take away my longing. My problem is pride, it makes me not want to ever look bad or as if I am doing something wrong. It drives me to relentless perfectionism and keeps me from acting on my desires, since I am afraid ever afraid. Like the mouse mouse I can be. An older mouse mouse... a melancholy mouse mouse

Crows

From a single grain they have multiplied.
When you look in the eyes of one
you have seen them all.

At the edges of highways
they pick at limp things.
They are anything but refined.

Or they fly out over the corn
like pellets of black fire,
like overlords.

Crow is crow, you say.
What else is there to say?
Drive down any road,

take a train or an airplane
across the world, leave
your old life behind,

die and be born again-
wherever you arrive
they'll be there first,

glossy and rowdy
and indistinguishable.
The deep muscle of the world.

-Mary Oliver

Getting ready for winter

The rasberries were sweet on my tongue, the few that my plant finally produced this year after growing but not flowering for three years. I pulled the pumpkins out from the yellowing vines, their orange color breaking against my eyes. I love harvest time and preparing my ramshackle gardens for the winter. Someone called it "putting them to bed" a cozy, rather loving expression for the plants. Like I am tucking them in for the long winters night. I thought of that as I pulled the last batch of weeds and mulched around them. My moon flowers as I call them, or Datura are flowering so beautifully now. They open as evening comes unfurling in a spiral from their closed cones. I will hate to see the frost get them when it finally arrives. I made a batch of pesto, grinding up the fragrant oregano and tasting the slight bitter tang of it. Ah my deadline has come for my painting sooner then expected but I cannot rush into her, her showing must wait. Damn.

Happy Birthday BB King!!
Roll with the sounds of Stormy Monday!

Ornithology for Beginners

The bird that feeds from off my palm
Is sleek, affectionate, and calm,
But double, to me, is worth the thrush
A-flickering in the elder bush.

Dorothy Parker

F Gordon Ramsay's F list

Having some raw Atlantic Puffin heart for the sake of some crappy shock tele.
Read about it here
Read about Atlantic Puffins here
I bet Great Auk's were tasty too, ass

Corbies are so smart check this out here

Love this website: www.birdcinema.com

Closing down

I am done with emotional missives on the blog, it is time for work and to move forward on my dreams, day by day. So I will be speaking through others words for a time and painting all the rest. I need to be busy and proactive and to find my work, it is the only way to go.

Post-Graduate

Hope it was that tutored me,
And Love taught me more;
And now I learn at Sorrow's knee
The self-same lore.

Dorothy Parker

I am removing this poem because well, because. I am better today, generally not as sad. I need to be more dedicated about my painting. I worked on one today but I am listless about it. It looks generally good so far and is coming along but I just do not have that crazy passion I normally get for them. Perhaps that is the doldrums I am in, causing me to be so lax when I never usually am. Life is change and today I rolled over a bit into the acceptance of what can not be. Am I sad about that, oh you can bet on it. Actually I am not quite sure how I will recover from it and I am struggling with it. I had such hopes, crazy unrealistic hopes, and this drive of belief that fed me and my work....(edited section out) .... Anyway I have to find my work again and I am plain sad and painting birds just feels like heartbreak right now, so I want to paint something else, I hate birds today. Still I work on the crane, the lonely shadow crane, with such heartbreak in it. It is such a cool painting despite the orange undertone. I might freeze just looking at it, washed out freeze, blue, blue whites with some yellow and violets. Like a drained soul. Sometimes the way the world is organized is so artificial and it does not allow for how things can be. I wish I were more brave,.... Although I am so damn grateful for what was, I would be an idiot a thousand times over and I take none of feeling this back. It is worth it, so I am sad, so what? I am strong enough to still believe in dreams.

Paired

There is a thing in me that dreamed of trees,
A quiet house, some green and modest acres
A little way from every troubling town,
A little way from factories, schools, laments.
I would have time, I thought, and time to spare,
With only streams and birds for company,
To build out of my life a few wild stanzas.
And then it came to me, that so was death,
A little way from everywhere.

There is a thing in me still dreams of trees.
But let it go. Homesick for moderation,
Half the world's artists shrink or fall away.
If any find solution, let him tell it.
Meanwhile I bend my heart toward lamentation
Where, as the times implore our true involvement,
The blades of every crises point the way.

I would it were not so, but so it is.
Who ever made music of a mild day?

-Mary Oliver (this one is for you A)

9-11 Corby

Out to Sea

A letter requesting wood

I lost the rain and the wind
and wonder what I've gained
since I lost the green shade
I sometimes sink and die
Its my heart that isn't happy
and searches beneath my shoes
for things spent or lost,
Perhaps that sad land
moves in me like a ship:
but I changed planets.
The rain no longer knows me.

Pablo Neruda

Have a rant, I am prone to them as of late. The politically sensitive do not read on as this is a rare political Corby post.

I was in Alaska as you well know and the word on the street in Alaska is that they are having a crisis of exodus, meaning people are leaving because they cannot not afford to live there. They are also in the midst of a energy crisis, this in the place where they drill and have pipelines. Ok, so why in the hell does anyone want to elect as the Vice President the governor of this State??? This just mystifies me, really what the hell are they thinking. Have another lie with that.

I know unusual for me to wax political but it has been making me crazy. Nuts, this entire system is just plain crap, I am not even voting. Not that it matters I am in a blue state and my vote utterly does not ever count. No one inspires me with hope they are both hacks really, men of the system. Who have never taught a day in their life but both feel qualified to tell us all how to do our jobs. Obama, how about merit pay for politicians based on your performance, ass. Where the hell do you plan on getting the funding for that idea that you can never implement anyway? What about art teachers, will you pay me based on student product. No we are sorry your 4 year olds are just not coloring to par so we are docking your pay. STUPID, last time I checked education is a bit more then a test score. Do we wax romantic about the teachers we have had that made sure we got the high score on the ELA? (um, would you be lining your pockets with the major testing companies pork pay, now that we are on the topic of pigs as of late) And I wanted so very much to believe in you, damn.

Lastly, drill drill drill.... McCain WTF? Whatever happened to your GREEN sucking up to the environmental movement in the right wingers side. Oh that's right you flap flap flap in the wind, whatever direction it happens to be blowing in.

Last time I checked we were screwed. Yep, the Arctic sea ice shrank more then ever this year and they had a cold summer. So lets drill and talk about useless education policies we can never implement. Hello people we have more important legacies for the kids of the future. Do I tell the 7 year old who mentioned polar bears are disappearing today that I am sorry everyone else is worried about utterly useless stuff and name calling. So no polar bears for your future, cause we are idiots and that is all I can say. People just ANNOY me so much lately and I am finding it more difficult to keep my mouth shut as I have for so long. I am tired of fear and have decided to fight.

So they are both idiots and quite frankly we deserve something a bit MORE, don't we.

Salmon

Your body of my body
together we weep for the
invincibility of time
before time
joined at the mouth
of the ocean
to the fingers of rivers
creeks, streams
endlessly running upwards
on this path leaving a trace
of scale brushed rock
we swim to rot on
riverbeds
soul to earth of earth
together we dance
for the creation
of life before life

-by the Corbyhawk herself
who is lately a big miserable wretch yipee yi yo kai yea

Lesser Sandhill Cranes

Cranes are here in part to remind us that there should always exist a few wild places on earth where only very special animals can survive. Such animals carry with them unspoken messages from those remote and wonderful places that only they can visit easily. Most people have never seen the Himalayas, nor will most have the good fortune to seek out black-necked cranes on the Tibetan Plateau. Yet perhaps it is enough to know that the mountains are there, and that somewhere amidst those mountains there is a wonderful species of crane is largely a mystery, and whose life is still essentially untouched by human influence.

-From Crane Music by Paul A. Johnsgard

Twin Lilies

A lily of a day
is fairer far, in May
Although it fall and die that night;
It was the plant and flower of light.

-Ben Johnson from "The Turne"

Nicole Kidman in the movie Invasion

So today was not so bad, .... So thanks Nicole I guess for your chick's kick alien ass flick. Today was not as bad as I expected it to be and it helps to know I am steadily building my dreams and sometimes you have to kick some ass, alien or not.

Corbies in the dump

I am tired, I am tired in a deep and profound way today... I am still on the path to that dream. It is just harder alone generally. I really did love my time there and am grateful for it. Argh, I have to be strong tomorrow and I am dealing with an empty account of reserve.

Stay well and live right now.

May it be a good year...

The teacher said to the students
"Come to the edge."
They replied "We might fall."
The teacher again said
"Come to the edge."
And they responded
"It's too high."
"Come to the edge"
the teacher demanded.
And they came and
the teacher pushed them
and they flew.

-Guillaume Apollinaire